5 Snarky Instagram Moms We Love

It’s not that we’re against parenting “influencers,” it’s just… OK, maybe we totally are, because Jesus Christ, most of that shit ain’t real. Don’t lay your sponsored fit/glowy/detoxed perfect mommy content at our feet like a gift, OK? When we reek of eau du infant spittle and the residue of that four-day gap in our own personal hygiene regimen, we’re really not in the mood to see a glossified, sanitized version of the holy hell that is parenting.

And yes, you can get some laughs from these funny celeb moms online. There’s no shortage of gorgeous celebrity mommies rocking social media. But sometimes, you just need to hear from someone who has bred a monster or three like yours and who will also never get a voting ballot for the Oscars.

Thusly, Here are five of our favorite fellow snarky parents on Instagram who opt for meme spirit over team spirit to express the pure soul-suckage of parenting days gone bad. We love all these because they’re also generous about sharing the snarktastic best of other moms on social media. This is one rabbit hole we don’t mind falling down, not one bit. Just let us bring a flask.

Not the Worst Mom

Not the Worst Mom‘s Instagram tagline won us over instantly: “Sometimes I miss being pregnant, then I remember I didn’t like high school that much.” Dare you not to smirk.

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Yesterday, I witnessed beautiful and glorious justice. A motorcycle cop showed up to the school drop off and was yelling and pulling parents over. If you know me, you know I’ve wasted YEARS in the car loop and it’s eaten away at my happiness/soul. It has made some OK stories but when I saw this angel of mercy, I knew it was all worth it. The parents at my kid’s school drop off and pick up their kids like the city is being evacuated due to a state of emergency. It’s utter chaos and everyone is an asshole. Kids are running in front of cars. Not using crosswalks. U-turning wherever the fuck they want. But yesterday. Yesterday I received vindication. Yesterday made me excited to pay taxes. If I wasn’t married, I’d give that cop 10 sons and cook filet mignon in a whip cream bikini every night. I wish I’d had a spare pair of granny panties to throw at him. Thank you for your service, officer. Protect & Serve the fuck out off drop off my brave Knight. #school #mom #momlife #kid #kids #dropoff

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Listen…my daughter was 9 and a half pounds. My son after her was 9lbs 2oz. Yes, he coached me through my labors but like, I made dinner the night I had her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Why? No fucking idea. Maybe because I was 20 and my body was a baby making machine. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ REGARDLESS, if I could handle dropping 9lb bombs after hours of labor he can handle a 30 min procedure right? I mean I’ll be there telling him he’s doing great and reminding him not to hold the tension in his face. I’ll even tell him to breathe and when I’m sure the Instagram live is up, I’ll wipe his forehead. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ He fully supported me having the kids with no meds, but me supporting the drug less vasectomy is somehow not ok? IT’S 2018 PEOPLE. EQUALITY!!! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #husband #wife #husbandandwife #married #parents #vasectomy

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Cynical Parent

Cynical Parent also has a slightly less snarky blog if you start feeling guilty for snark-snorting the Instagram version.

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You think this is bad? Just wait… ???

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Humor and Wine

Humor and Wine shares plenty of others’ memes, but hers slay. We also love her Instagram bio: “A website says I’m a 76% match to Kate Middleton. So, you decide what that means.” We’ve decided we think the Duchess of Cambridge would totally (secretly) approve.

Mommy Cusses

Mommy Cusses — because mommies really cuss. You know they do.

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It be like that sometimes.

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Snarky Breeders

Snarky Breeders hits the spot and goes down smoothly.

There are tons more out there, we know, but we’ve got another load of laundry to do and three deadlines to meet, so tell us: Who are your fave Instagram moms who tell it like it is?

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